Good houseplants for people who kill everything they touch, and what to do if they start looking weird

Cause not all of us are born with green thumbs

I am bad at gardening. I like it, and I like owning plants, but most of what I touch dies. Fortunately there are plants that are easy to care for just waiting for you to neglect, and they won't even die from it!

Echeverias

These succulents just don't quit. They're constantly growing new florets, and you propagate them by simply cutting a floret off and plopping it in a new pot. Water them once a week and either fertilise them twice a year-ish or repot them when the soil starts looking really hard and gross. A few common problems are:

  • White fluffy stuff near the base and tiny white bugs: These are mealybugs, they suck but are mostly harmless. Use an environmentally friendly pesticide, or literally use tweezers to get them off. In serious cases you can literally dig the plant up, wash it in the sink, and repot it.
  • Mushy black leaves: You're overwatering your plant. Let it fully dry out. If it doesn't bounce back, cut off a healthy floret and replant it.
  • Thin, dry leaves: Water your plant! It will be fine.

Jade Plants

Sometimes called Money Plants, these things grow slow as hell. Water once a week and if you want another jade plant, just cut off a stem and replant it. Want it to grow faster? Trim the tips and give it a little fertiliser. Whenever you water a jade plant (or any plant really), make sure you totally saturate the dirt so there's water coming out the bottom of the pot, then stop. This encourages deeper root growth. But you also need to make sure your succulents and dry-enjoying plants are in well draining soil, or they'll get root rot. Common problems are:

  • Weird tiny gribbles on the leaves you can wipe off with your finger: This is actually normal! Don't worry, your jade plant is healthy and happy.
  • Black, shrivelled leaves all over the plant: Frostbite can do a number on jade plants. If it dips to below 5c outside, bring your plant inside. Let the frostbitten leaves fall off naturally - your plant will bounce back as long as it wasn't out too long.